Notes on the Zerbeda conference:

Banff is a beautiful city with notable topography - large mountains, frozen lakes, deep snow, and biting winds. The resort itself is designed to look like a castle, both inside and out, and is dark and gothic without feeling cold. It is a perfect example of the progress humans have made in insulation, while at the same time representing one of the essential paradoxes of humanity -- that humans simultaneously dwell in the future and in the past. It is a wonder they can ever get anything done.

We got a great deal accomplished at the conference. 250 researchers made presentations over a period of three days. I am relieved to note that I was not the only researcher to present a Single Human Study, that in fact there were a dozen such presentations, most of which covered the lives of relatively unimportant individuals like Rebecca. I received positive feedback on my data on her personality and lifestyle, and a number of questions. Many were curious about Rebecca's relationship with Jughead, and some shared similar findings about human-pet relations in their regions. It appears that although the desire to pamper or "spoil" domesticated canines is common everywhere in North America, it is particularly extreme in Los Angeles, where animals seem to experience more specialized services (spa treatments, psychological analysis, bakeries, dedicated resort vacations) than in any other known city.

Rebecca's altruism also seems to be part of a larger trend. Humans in many communities "want to help", "contribute" or "be greener" in an effort to "save the planet", polar bears or the poor. Most, however, have no idea how; and, confined to their offices for 40 to 60 hours per week, lack the time in which to make a significant impact beyond the many small steps encouraged by their governments (e.g., recycling cans, carrying reusable shopping bags, and resisting the urge to assault the homeless).

As Zerbedas 17456 (Seattle, WA) and 10999 (Reno, NV) noted, humans have no visible outlet for coping with this frustration; instead of using their emotions to fuel change, they seek to distract or soothe themselves through watching television (a dangerous balm I've seen in action!) or making purchases of clothing, digital devices, or other items. When their finances allow, they purchase expensive "investments" like houses, automobiles and kayaks, and go on costly travels. Almost every method by which humans seek to "take action" results in the burning of fossil fuels or other finite resources, and most contribute to a growing obesity epidemic.

Though these are unsurprising and sobering harbingers, they are exciting to share because they give us researchers the sense that we are slowly piecing together a puzzle.

There was little time to do anything at the conference but present data and respond with questions. I do believe we befuddled the hoteliers, who served us three meals per day in the conference hall, then were met with total silence when the doors shut behind them. At times I wonder why we don't build our own private retreat center for these gatherings, but our supervisors insist that constructing or purchasing an estate of that size would be breaking the cardinal rule of Earth Research: never build, destroy or alter.

Nevertheless, one has to wonder whether we are building suspicion. I had overheard a woman at the reception desk comment that all the mathematicians she checked in had a "he/she quality, right down to their names". Name changes, something I petitioned for in Year Three, are considered acceptable by the supervisors only in the event that a researcher is relocated to a different city, breaking all former informant ties. One would like to see this rule overruled for the sake of smoother integration. For some time I have known that names like "Sander Ionescu", "Firestone McClusky", and "Beekman Jones", while technically reasonable and statistically probable, are in reality somehow unnatural to human ears. Given a chance to reassign, I would like to reside in Canada -- the Canadians are friendly and very pleasing to look at -- and go by a simpler name like "John Sander".

Perhaps on my next research tour.

Settled back in Los Angeles, I have been spending my week communicating with Zerbedas I befriended in Canada, and making occasional, brief trips to my garden. This week the residents have been chattier and more curious. A Russian woman in her 70s came by to criticize my fence (she says animals can burrow under it) and to complain about the neighbors' compost buckets drawing rats. An elderly Mexican man, his face twisted by the aftereffects of a stroke, traded me several good pieces of scrap wood in exchange for the temporary use of my saw. My brussels sprouts are growing but have yet to produce fruit.

At home there is no news. I have not seen the Asian man on the roof, which heartens me, as I have a good deal of work to do. Zerbedas 20012 (Navajo Reservation, NM) and 19012 (Mountain View, CA) are very eager to know the contents of Rebecca's white trunk. I plan to go over tomorrow and take another look. But first -- groceries and Project Runway.